Q:How do you sink a submarine full of blondes?

A:You knock on the hatch.

Did you hear about the blonde that threw away her weight loss video because she noticed that the people on the video were not losing weight either?

Q.What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?

A.Run like hell, she's got the grenade in her mouth!

Blonde's Medical Dictionary
Artery	Study of paintings
Bacteria	Backdoor to cafeteria
Barium	What to do when treatment fails
Bowel	Letter like A E I O or U
Ceasarean Section	District in Rome
Cat Scan	Searching for a feline
Cauterize	Make eye contact with her
Colic	Sheep dog
Coma	Punctuation mark
Congenital	Friendly
D & C	Where Washington is
Dilate	To live long
Enema	Not a friend
Fester	Quicker
Genital	Non-Jewish
Hang Nail	Coat hook
Impotent	Distinguished, well known
Labor pain	Hurt at work
Morbid	Higher offer
Nitrate	More expensive than day rate
Node	Was aware of
Outpatient	Person fainted
Post op	Letter carrier
Recovery Room	Place to upholster
Rectum	Dang near killed him
Rheumatic	Amorous
Secretion	Hiding something
Tablet	Small table
Terminal Illness	Sick at airport
Tibia	Country in North Africa
Tumor	More than one
Urine	Opposite of 'you're out'
Colostomy	Nearby
Vein	Conceited

A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.

She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.

After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"

The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"

Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.

Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures.

The shopkeeper watches in amazement as the blonde flips the alligator on it's back, and frustrated, shouts out, "Damn it, this one isn't wearing any shoes either!"

A blonde was hard up for money, so she walked around her neighbourhood, trying to find a job.

She met a nice man who said he would give her work. All she had to do was paint his porch white. He gave her a bucket of paint and left.

He walked into his house, laughing. He told his brunette wife what he had done.

"Frank, our porch covers half of the house! You're so mean," his wife replied.

Three hours later, the blonde went in the house, and gave the bucket of white paint back to the man. The astonished man handed her a $100 bill and asked how she finished it so quickly.

"It it was easy," was her reply. "Oh, and it's a Ferrari, not a porch."

The blonde and the speedboat

A blonde buys a very expensive speedboat, but the first time she gets it in the water, she's distinctly unimpressed with it.

Eventually, she ties up at a marina and asks one of the mechanics there to tell her what's wrong with it.

"I've tried everything," she said. "But it just seems to slow. It's sluggish into the turns and there's no way I can pull my friends on water skis."

"I'll have a look," the man says.

He gets into the water and is down for no more than a few moments when he resurfaces, coughing and spluttering.

"Are you alright?" she asks.

The man nods, still trying to stop laughing.

"Have you discovered what was wrong?"

He most certainly had. The boat was still securely strapped to the trailer...